Saturday 28 May 2011

This is a story I made. It's about my cousin, getting eatin... by mermaids.... XD enjoy!

Jacob sat in his dingy in the middle of the ocean, and was still under chase by Jordan. Jacob had brought this upon himself, he had resigned himself to that much. It had all started at a pirates of the Caribbean movie fest, where upon Jacob decided to mix several pixie sticks and other such candies into Jordan’s delicious (until being tainted that is) lemonade, this resulted in Jacob being forced to go on the run as Jordan went into a rampage never before seen by man.
           
The joyous thoughts of laughter and watching movies brought a wave of homesickness over Jacob. He decided to go for a nap to ease his thoughts. He pulled his blanket out of his bag and covered himself with it from neck to toes. He took in a final breath of the salty night air and fell asleep almost instantly.
           
It was a cold dark night, and as silent as the grave. The smooth, flat surface of the water was as gentle as ever, and reflected the stars and the moon above. Suddenly Jacob jerked awake without cause or provocation. All he knew was that he now knew the feeling (as some would say in movies) of being watched. Everything remained silent and still and his heart began to slow back to a more decent pace. He looked around in every direction, as far as the darkness of the night would allow, and yet could still not make out the cause of his immense discomfort. His stomach gave a demanding grumble, and so he decided to fish out a chocolate bar from the depths of his bag. It must be the hunger, he thought, that’s what’s woken me. As he began to un-wrap his chocolate bar he could hear a high pitched noise coming from the depths of the ocean getting louder and closer with every passing second. His hands shook as he ripped off the wrapper, and tried with all his might to ignore the pounding force of the noise. He began to rock back and forth, and was almost on the verge of tears. The noise grew louder, and his head seemed to want to explode, and his ear drums began to bleed. Just when it seemed he could last no longer the noise stopped, and was replaced by the most beautiful singing voice he had ever heard. It sounded like a thousand voices had blended into one, to create a perfect harmony. Jacob opened his eyes in search for this wondrous noise and found it almost instantly. The singing was coming from a creature at the front of the boat. Jacob fell backwards into the back end of the boat, but almost instantly fell back to the front as he took in the creature’s appearance for the first time. It was not, in face, a monstrous creature from hell but the most beautiful mermaid he had ever seen. True, he thought to himself, he had never truly seen a mermaid in the flesh, but he had heard stories and read books on them. One thing that was common throughout all his studies of them was the fact that mermaids were extremely dangerous and deceiving, as they loved the taste of human flesh. This fact, however, was forgotten to Jacob almost instantly as he couldn’t see how something so beautiful could possibly hurt anyone or anything. The mermaid’s face shone a light gold color, even in the darkness of the night. Her skin was perfectly smooth, and her lips full and luscious. It was as if the best sculptor of the world had carved a goddess in stone and it had come to life, its sole purpose being that of wooing the hearts of even the strongest willed men. Her bright golden hair was long, and fell gracefully from a top her head, and down her shoulders, where it floated on the water like seaweed drifting in a gentle current. Her breasts were cupped with a bra of green seaweed which seemed to be attached to her skin, and even the most beautiful model of the world would envy the way her perfect curves seemed to flow perfectly into the rest of her body which was a large green tail fin, which began to sway faster and faster below the surface as Jacob came closer.
            She still continued to sing, even when he was less than a foot away, she had no fear of him, only the feeling of intense excitement that she felt every time she had managed to find a good human meal. She let the last note of the song die in her throat when he was close enough to grab, and proceeded to slowly stretch out her arm and stroke his cheek with the tips of her fingers. Jacob thrust his head forward, covering the last bit of space that was between them, and their lips connected. She raised her other hand out of the water, and now cupped both of his cheeks in her soft palms, pulling him towards her into the water. He was now fully in the water, and the mermaid parted her lips from his. She grabbed out at his hand with surprising speed and precision considering her whole arm was submerged in water, and yanked him down below the surface. Her hair and eyes changed to the color of dark red, and her lips turned black, giving her an altogether demonic look, nothing compared to her former beauty. Jacob saw this change and knew he was not in a good position. His heart pounded furiously in his chest, and his lungs began to burn for air. He lashed out at her arm holding him, but she kept a strong grip on him, making sure she did not lose this delectable meal. One of her hands shot through the water and towards his neck where she grabbed a chunk of flesh and veins and ripped it out, and began to chew away on the rubber meat. Instantly a fountain of blood poured out of the gaping hole in his neck, and obstructed the mermaid’s vision.  She grabbed his thighs with both hands and dragged him deeper, so as to escape the cloud of blood. Her hands were already at his thighs so she figured she’d start there. She dug her nails into his thick meaty thigh muscles and pulled, ripping off chunks of his flesh. The sea water stung viciously at his open wounds and burst several of his open veins. Jacob lost all sanity at that point, he had no idea where he was or who he was, and began to scream, oblivious to the fact that he was underwater and that his screams would be heard by no one. His scream died out and his lungs and throat burned as he inhaled a large amount of sea water. The crazed blood red eyes of the mermaid were the last thing that he saw before his soul slipped into the next world. The mermaid now had as much time as she pleased to slowly pick apart her well-earned prey. She ripped off each limb, chewing and digesting the meat and fat on them in a matter of seconds, until only the bones were left. She hacked away the rest of the flesh of his neck, gripped his head under her arm, and started on his torso. When she was finally done eating every part that was not bone, she turned to the head. The head of a human is a wonderful delicacy in the mermaid realm. She held it between her hands and impaled her razor sharp teeth into his thick, boney skull. It cracked open and she pried out the brain. Instead of eating it however, she swam up to the surface where the boat was, the brain still in her hand, and jumped into the boat where she started to transform. Her hair became much shorter and turned brown, her breasts deflated on her chest and the seaweed bra vanished, the tail too had changed, it had disappeared and been replaced by a pair of human legs. The thing that was a mermaid not three seconds ago had now transformed into none other than Jordan himself. He placed the brain in a jar which he had conjured from midair, and placed it on the floor of the boat. He grabbed the oars and started to row himself to more populated areas of water, where more prey awaited him. As he rowed he whistled to himself. The song of his choice: the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song. 

1 comment:

  1. Ah Jordan. Your stories are always... interesting to read. I have no idea how in the world you come up with them, but this one is over the top hilarious. The twist at the end made my brain do a double backflip 360 degree turn all at once. You are crazy. I sometimes like to question what goes on in that tiny brain of yours. This story sheds light on the whole issue. You should create these stories more often! Your stories are absolutely hilarious and make me laugh all the time. They are extra hilarious because people end up dying in very crude ways in almost every story. You are hilarious, Jordan. I encourage you to not change that and to post more stories on this hilarious blog! :)

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